A Mix of Anticipation and Dread

Our big summer vacation starts in just 11 days, and to be honest it is freaking me out a little bit. We are flying to Vegas, renting a van, and driving around the Grand Canyon, which is all fine and dandy except for the inevitable nonstop squabbling from the back seat. (Has anyone tried taser guns for this purpose? How's it working for you?)

The problem arises on Day 9 of the trip, when we climb onto a pool toy and float through the wilderness, which is actually outside. For FOUR DAYS, during which we will be required to pee and poop outside where snake and scorpions live, and to bathe in the RIVER using only biodegradable soap and shampoo. Seriously, "anticipation and dread" perfectly describes my feelings about this part of the trip. It's not the possibility of "accidental injury or illness or permanent trauma or death" (from the release form) that worries me--rather, it's the certainty of my looking like a complete dumbass. Western River's website includes many photos of fit and attractive families having the time of their lives, and not a single one of them is overweight or disabled or tragically frizzy-haired like me. Ron swears he has informed them fully about my limitations and they are all "hakuna matata" about it, but has anyone warned the 24 other people on the trip? (More anxiety: strangers!)

I'm getting myself worked into an state just typing about it. I'm going to take a deep breath and hope that those 24 undoubtedly lovely people won't see me as a floundering dumbass who's slowing them down, but rather as a mom who is out there doing stuff with her kids even when it's challenging and humiliating and there's not a scrapbook store withing a hundred miles. I'm going to smash my hair down and sleep under the stars and take fabulous photos and enjoy my children's amazement at the beauty of Desolation Canyon, and just hope I don't get voted out of the tribe on the first day.